A gremlin in the works!

Apparently in the real world, gremlins are commonly believed to be fictional/mythical creatures -a misconception often commonly applied to other everyday creatures, such as the poltergeist or even the unicorn!  Here in the Enchanted Realms, however, we can wholeheartedly assure you that the dastardly little critters do indeed exist, although the world might well be a better place without them and their irksome and singularly unhelpful habits.  The predominant characteristic of the gremlin is its ability to locate the proverbial well-oiled machine, then take up residence in its dark and mysterious interior.  Once inhabited, the previously well-oiled machine of course cannot run according to its usual efficacy due to gremlins obstructing its works. It therefore instantly stalls, and/or stops dead in its tracks, wreaking havoc in the surrounding environs which depend on aforementioned well-oiled machine to provide essential duties (whatever they may be).

Suffice to say, the ETPrintworks is currently suffering from exactly such an encounter as described above.   While experts are sought for the most effective means of ridding our presses of the gremlin or gremlins which have made it their new home (cavorting gleefully, we assume, within its inky underbelly), the Printworks has been forced to outsource printing of the Enchanted Times, for the forseeable future.  Regrettably, this means that such innovations as the recently introduced Teeny Tiny Times will be unavailable (for a time).  However, it is not all bad news as a selection of the most popular back issues – ‘The Magnificent Seven’  – are now available in a brand new reprint.  Please see the ETPrintworks store for full details.

Elf TimesWe are also delighted to share these candid snapshots of one of our engrossed readers, who it turns out – despite fervent hopes – is sadly not an expert in gremlin exorcism…

(Photo courtesy of friend-to-the-elven, Rachel Gallagher of Titania’s Tea Party.)


Enchanted Times Mini is shrinking!

Has a dastardly curse struck the E.T.Printworks printing press? Has one of our recent stories raised the ire of some Evil Goblin or Wicked Witch who has now wreaked their revenge? Worry not! Enchanted Times Mini is shrinking for a far more benign and practical reason: our miniaturisation is due to growing demand from a small-but-expanding faction of our readership – elves, goblins, dwarves, fairies etc – who find the current page size far too cumbersome for their own diminutive dimensions. Similarly in the Real World, what dollshouse would be complete without a copy of Enchanted Times to complement the miniature environs? Yet the previous size of ETM was all too large for the hands of the majority of dollkind…

Teeny Tiny TwinsetTherefore with aspiration only to satisfy our growing Goblin Markets, E.T.Printworks is delighted to present to you the freshly shrunken Enchanted Times Mini, of almost microscopic proportions (barely a quarter of original Mini size at just 3.5 x 4.75cm): The Teeny Tiny Times. The print is still legible to the human eye while the scale is far better suited to our lilliputian friends. Those of a larger stature will of course continue to be catered for, and twinsets of both Mini (original) and Mini (micro) editions will henceforth be available (more to be added shortly).

The first dual-scale issue to be released is December’s ETM, None So Blind, in which Queen Rapunzel initiates the Great Salad Plan and clearly demonstrates that she is not at all bitter. Further news to follow, in the New Year…


The Missing Tree Mystery – join our campaign!

little fir treeActing on evidence provided by a young hare, the Enchanted Times has just released a new Cover Story notecard relating the heartbreaking tale of the hare’s leveret-hood friend, a Little Fir Tree, who has recently disappeared under mysterious circumstances. According to the elders of his kindle, such wholesale abduction occurs on an annual basis, and more fir tree friends lost over the years than can be counted.

The Missing Tree Mystery Campaign has been launched in a bid to end the trafficking and unacceptable treatment of our beloved forest trees. In order to raise awareness for the Campaign we ask that you, our loyal readers, spread the word to all your correspondents this festive season, and help us make the Missing Tree Mystery global headline news!


The Red Riding Mysteries

Enchanted Times 4.5: Stitched UpAs the latest monthly issue of Enchanted Times Mini (Stitched Up) wings its way to subscribers via the fleet-of-foot gingerbread from the Fast-As-You-Can Courier Company an additional (and dare we say complementary) publication has been released by the FAYC CoCo themselves.  Our news report provides the latest in a string of what have become colloquially known as The Red Riding Mysteries, in which a number of incidents has followed such a similar narrative it is surprising that officers of the law are still to apprehend and prosecute the protagonists: Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf.  However, it is also widely believed that there is in fact no single culprit to be caught, and both the Red Ridings and the Big Bads are groups which work individually but collectively, reporting back to much larger packs working in the same arena.

Little Red StampsThe FAYC CoCo has produced a souvenir FAYC stamp booklet, which features genuine lick & stick gummed FAYC stamps on both front and back cover, with individual images of both Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf.  The inner booklet sheds no light whatsoever on who is the true hero or heroine, villain or villainess of these Mysteries which have captured the imagination of a nation, but does provide a fascinating collection of Red Riding variants from across the Enchanted Realms.  Many of these stories are from word-of-mouth sources and as such not verified from any legal standpoint; nonetheless, they do offer an intriguing insight into how a real life Enchanted Realm mystery can quickly escalate to become the subject of media speculation and folktale alike.

The Enchanted Times contacted the Action Against Archetypes Alliance for their take on recent events, and engaged in a brief exclusive interview with their newest public ombudsman, a Mr. B. B. Wolf (it is currently unclear whether this particular Mr. Wolf has any direct connection with the Mysteries mentioned above):

ET:  Mr. Wolf, thank you for your time.  How do you feel about the FAYC CoCo’s public and widespread portrayal of you – or certainly of your brethren – as indiscriminately Big and Bad?
BBW:  I think you are making an assumption, and this is what I must stand against; this is why I have accepted position of SpokesWolf for the AAAA, so that such misconceptions can be laid to rest.  It is true that the Wolf pictured on the recent FAYC stamps is indeed Big and Bad.  He has been prosecuted as such in the past, and the legalities cannot be argued.  However, this is one specific Wolf, and he is not representative of all Wolf-kind.  I do not believe the FAYC CoCo have misrepresented wolves by naming one Wolf who has been proved so as Big and Bad; however, I do think it is irresponsible of a national newspaper to propagate the suggestion that all wolves should be measured against this one example.

ET:  Are you personally acquainted with the Big Bad Wolf pictured?
BBW:  I do not associate with criminals.  What are you implying?

ET:  Nothing!  Have you ever met a Wolf who was Big and Bad?
BBW:  I believe you are trying to lead this discussion in an unwelcome direction.  Let me elucidate instead on why I have accepted this role as SpokesWolf for my kind.  In my lifetime, I have met young whippersnappers that could barely reach to nip your ankles but would die in the trying, evil little blighters from nose to tail.  I have also met the biggest wolf you’re ever likely to meet – loves to be stroked and groomed and petted, and wouldn’t dream of snagging a tooth in flesh or drawing blood: his priorities are simply otherwise.  There are wolves afield and aforest of every type and every nature, and it is unreasonable to assume that a single one can represent the many.

ET:  Yet surely you as ‘spokeswolf’ for the AAAA are exactly that, one Wolf representing the many?
BBW: I merely ask that each Wolf be judged on his own merits (or lack thereof) rather than by his lupine appearance.  Is it any surprise that in the past some wolves have been known to dress in sheep’s clothing?  It is amazing the difference in reception there is from the general public when presented with a sheep as opposed to a wolf!  Of course, any cross-dressing wolf who is exposed will find himself crucified, like a lamb to the slaughter; so such practices really cannot be recommended…

ET:  As a representative for the AAAA, do you advocate the same non-prejudiced view of all creatures, or are you primarily concerned with the lupine?  What about the bad press afforded trolls, and witches, and evil stepmothers?
BBW:  I am a Wolf and therefore the subject of daily discrimination; I do not believe anybody should suffer in this way.  I have a genuine fondness for all, until they exhibit a genuine reason to earn my dislike.

ET:  And do you like little girls who wear red hoods?
BBW:  I do indeed like them!  But I’m watching my weight due to my new media responsibilities, and I couldn’t eat a whole one…

Our reporter believes this closing statement to have been intended as a ‘joke'; however, upon receiving a pre-publication advance notice of this interview, the AAAA did not appear to find Wolf’s words amusing.  The AAAA has now launched an internal enquiry and may well have the last laugh.  Have you heard the one about the boy who cried Wolf?


A mysterious missive…

With the exception of monthly subscription despatch, all has been curiously quiet on the Enchanted front for the last couple of months. So it was with interest that we investigated a mysterious missive that made its way to us all the way from the Real World.  The only name provided for the sender was simply Snout.  We are suspicious. Surely not correspondence from one of the notorious Pygg Brothers (Pygg the Elder, Pygg the Younger and Pygg in the Middle, proprieters of the dubious property rental outfit Pygg Lets, recently seen in court pitted against none other than Mr. B. B. Wolf)?  If so, why the pseudonym – ‘snout’ surely being somewhat ‘on the nose’, so to speak?  Or perhaps it is an elaborate double bluff – but in any case, why?

the snout report 1

The Snout Report

Please read the attached document yourself (click on the pic for PDF) and make up your own mind as to its meaning or relevance…as a real world re-enactment of Rumpelstiltskin unfolds!


May & June Subscriptions + Special Offer

For anyone who missed the re-launch of the ETPrintworks Store a couple of weeks ago, not only is the delayed May issue of Enchanted Times Mini now available (for a limited, extended period), but also the on-schedule June issue, Just So Stories, is in stock for the absolute latest old stories in new news.

To celebrate the re-launch, ETPrintworks is offering a No New News Notebook(/Newspaper/Diary) absolutely FREE when you spend £5 or more (excl. shipping).  This offer is for the month of June only, so don’t miss out!

ETM #1.5 v.i: Wolf at the Door

  • wolf at the door This issue brings you up to date with the latest court proceedings in the case of Mr. B. B. Wolf v. the Pygg Bros (Pygg the Elder, Pygg the Younger & Pygg-in-the-Middle):
  • Mr. Wolf stands accused of wilful property damage, forced entry, and attempted burglary. Mr. Wolf denies all charges, claiming he was too weak to have acted with any violent motive, barely having recuperated from recent (near-fatal) axe wounds to the stomach.
  • In other courtside news, we hear a Mr. T. Rolley’s accusations against the Billy Bros with regard to malicious and vindictive trip-trapping across the roof of Mr. Rolley’s Underbridge Lodge (his bridge being the only right of way to the pastures providing a prime location for the Billy Bros’ own Grass is Greener Guesthouse).
  • Small ads also featured from a number of Enchanted Times sponsors, including ‘Who’s Afraid? Worry Bag’ (TM) and of course Pygg Lets.

ETM #1.5 v.ii: Just So Stories

  • Just So StoriesThis issue uncovers the connection between the Sleeping Beauty & Goldilocks, and includes:
  • escalation of the dispute between Mr. T. Rolley, proprieter of the Underbridge Lodge, and the not-so-neighbourly Billy Bros.
  • why the Sleeping Beauty left her Prince Charming and why she has no sympathy for Rumpelstiltskin
  • how a narcoleptic Goldilocks ended up in the 3 bears’ house, and how demand for her services developed into a feud between forest-dwelling hoteliers
  • small ads from 2 of the featured hotels, The Grass is Greener Guesthouse, and the Better-Bear-None Boarding House

STOP PRESS The Month of May is Missing!

ETM 1.5 cover previewApologies to all Enchanted Times readers & subscribers.  Due to unavoidable circumstances, the ETPrintworks press will not be rolling again for at least another couple of weeks.

Despatch to subscribers of Enchanted Times Mini will be prioritised as soon as the delayed May issue becomes available; but in the interim, a PDF preview copy will be emailed to each subscriber on May 1st, in anticipation of the postponed print edition.

Further apologies for the continued unavailability of all items from the ETPrintworks store.  The shop will re-open as soon as circumstances allow.  Please do sign up for notification of the shop’s return, or watch this space…


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