As the latest monthly issue of Enchanted Times Mini (Stitched Up) wings its way to subscribers via the fleet-of-foot gingerbread from the Fast-As-You-Can Courier Company an additional (and dare we say complementary) publication has been released by the FAYC CoCo themselves. Our news report provides the latest in a string of what have become colloquially known as The Red Riding Mysteries, in which a number of incidents has followed such a similar narrative it is surprising that officers of the law are still to apprehend and prosecute the protagonists: Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf. However, it is also widely believed that there is in fact no single culprit to be caught, and both the Red Ridings and the Big Bads are groups which work individually but collectively, reporting back to much larger packs working in the same arena.
The FAYC CoCo has produced a souvenir FAYC stamp booklet, which features genuine lick & stick gummed FAYC stamps on both front and back cover, with individual images of both Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf. The inner booklet sheds no light whatsoever on who is the true hero or heroine, villain or villainess of these Mysteries which have captured the imagination of a nation, but does provide a fascinating collection of Red Riding variants from across the Enchanted Realms. Many of these stories are from word-of-mouth sources and as such not verified from any legal standpoint; nonetheless, they do offer an intriguing insight into how a real life Enchanted Realm mystery can quickly escalate to become the subject of media speculation and folktale alike.
The Enchanted Times contacted the Action Against Archetypes Alliance for their take on recent events, and engaged in a brief exclusive interview with their newest public ombudsman, a Mr. B. B. Wolf (it is currently unclear whether this particular Mr. Wolf has any direct connection with the Mysteries mentioned above):
ET: Mr. Wolf, thank you for your time. How do you feel about the FAYC CoCo’s public and widespread portrayal of you – or certainly of your brethren – as indiscriminately Big and Bad?
BBW: I think you are making an assumption, and this is what I must stand against; this is why I have accepted position of SpokesWolf for the AAAA, so that such misconceptions can be laid to rest. It is true that the Wolf pictured on the recent FAYC stamps is indeed Big and Bad. He has been prosecuted as such in the past, and the legalities cannot be argued. However, this is one specific Wolf, and he is not representative of all Wolf-kind. I do not believe the FAYC CoCo have misrepresented wolves by naming one Wolf who has been proved so as Big and Bad; however, I do think it is irresponsible of a national newspaper to propagate the suggestion that all wolves should be measured against this one example.
ET: Are you personally acquainted with the Big Bad Wolf pictured?
BBW: I do not associate with criminals. What are you implying?
ET: Nothing! Have you ever met a Wolf who was Big and Bad?
BBW: I believe you are trying to lead this discussion in an unwelcome direction. Let me elucidate instead on why I have accepted this role as SpokesWolf for my kind. In my lifetime, I have met young whippersnappers that could barely reach to nip your ankles but would die in the trying, evil little blighters from nose to tail. I have also met the biggest wolf you’re ever likely to meet – loves to be stroked and groomed and petted, and wouldn’t dream of snagging a tooth in flesh or drawing blood: his priorities are simply otherwise. There are wolves afield and aforest of every type and every nature, and it is unreasonable to assume that a single one can represent the many.
ET: Yet surely you as ‘spokeswolf’ for the AAAA are exactly that, one Wolf representing the many?
BBW: I merely ask that each Wolf be judged on his own merits (or lack thereof) rather than by his lupine appearance. Is it any surprise that in the past some wolves have been known to dress in sheep’s clothing? It is amazing the difference in reception there is from the general public when presented with a sheep as opposed to a wolf! Of course, any cross-dressing wolf who is exposed will find himself crucified, like a lamb to the slaughter; so such practices really cannot be recommended…
ET: As a representative for the AAAA, do you advocate the same non-prejudiced view of all creatures, or are you primarily concerned with the lupine? What about the bad press afforded trolls, and witches, and evil stepmothers?
BBW: I am a Wolf and therefore the subject of daily discrimination; I do not believe anybody should suffer in this way. I have a genuine fondness for all, until they exhibit a genuine reason to earn my dislike.
ET: And do you like little girls who wear red hoods?
BBW: I do indeed like them! But I’m watching my weight due to my new media responsibilities, and I couldn’t eat a whole one…
Our reporter believes this closing statement to have been intended as a ‘joke'; however, upon receiving a pre-publication advance notice of this interview, the AAAA did not appear to find Wolf’s words amusing. The AAAA has now launched an internal enquiry and may well have the last laugh. Have you heard the one about the boy who cried Wolf?