ADDENDUM: The Art of Gold

It has been brought to the attention of the Editor that one of the feature articles from Enchanted Times #4, The Art of Gold (as reprinted below) – being the result of an interview with an unnamed representative from the Rumpelstiltskin Registry of Re-identification – lacks clarity for those readers non-conversant in colloquial dwarfish dialect.  Thus, an addendum has been produced, and a ‘translation’ insert will be included with all future print copies of Enchanted Times #4.  Pre-orders were despatched before the introduction of said addendum; however, the insert will be forwarded to all subscribers forthwith, courtesy of the  Fast-as-You-Can Courier Co.

* * *

the art of gold*

“Rumpel, ‘e’s a fine dwarf, ‘e is, an’ no mistake. ‘E’s suffered fer ‘is art, that’s what. The magic flows froo ‘is fingers an’ such joy he gets from spinnin’ gold from straw. ‘E’s got no need o’ riches, though, an’ e’ only ever spins what ‘e needs ter barter in’t Goblin Market. ‘E liaised wit’ Union Banks of Imaginia, that’s what ‘e done, an’ ‘e single-handedly fixed that so-called economic crisis wi’ ‘is currency conversion what-not. ‘E were overseer of all the trainin’ at all them new ‘Ouse of Exchanges ‘isself, ‘e was. Sad when them unsavoury types sees fit t’abuse’t system, going t’unlawful extremes jus’ fer plain old straw, tho. Read about that in’t’ paper, yon B. B. Wolf an’t squealin’ piglet, f’r’instance. ‘Course, ‘e was brung’t justice afor’t matter was ever brung’t court. Bad by name, bad by nature, that un. Jus’ no stoppin’ likes of ‘im.  ‘Ceptin’ wi’ a pot o’ boilin’ water, like.

“But Rumpel can’t be ‘eld responsible fer that. ‘E saw the currency thing as ‘is civic duty, like. ‘E showed ’em ‘ow ter do it, ‘no straws attached’ – that’s what ‘e allus used to say, ‘is little joke, like. But all them ‘e trained up, them’re just spinnin’ fer a wage, jus’ ord’nary crafters, like. Now Rumpel, ‘e puts real love into ‘is spinnin’ ‘e does. It’s art when ‘e does it. There’s none can spin a yarn t’beat ‘is, I tell yer. ‘E takes pride in ‘is work, and evryone wants a bit o’ it. See that dress what made Cinderella shine ’til midnight? That were one of ‘is. Midas Touch were’t designer of that un. They used ‘im for the Dress o’ Sunshine fer’t Donkeyskin nipper, too. Weren’t ‘is fault fairy on’t job were mighty daft. An’ ‘e never worked fer them WeaveWorld charlatans, neither, worrever they claim. Them might’ve conned an Emperor, but Rumpel’s got real spun gold in palaces cross’t Enchanted Realms, not jus’ thin air, like!

“But let me tell you this, that Miller’s daughter, that Queen, she took ‘im fer a ride, she did. All that nonsense ‘ow ‘e made ‘er ‘and over ‘er family ‘eirlooms afore ‘e’d spin fer ‘er, that’s slander that is! Them trinkets, ‘e could’ve spun up their worth in a trice – what good’s them to ‘im? ‘E spun that gold cos ‘e felt sorry for ‘er, that’s what; fell in love wi’ ‘er, too, di’n’t ‘e. ‘E’s just a man, y’know, fer all ‘e’s a dwarf. Anyways, that were ‘is baby what ‘e took, so the King’s got no rights to it, an’ that Queen, ha, she deserves everythin’ she gets!

“Rumpel can spin all’t gold you want; ‘e’ll spin it fer you, too, if y’ask ‘im. An’ that’s why them ‘vestigators’ll never name ‘im in a court o’ law, cos everyone in’t world is greedy; but ‘im, ‘e’s got an ‘eart o’ gold, ‘an you can’t spin that. ‘An ‘e’s got a baby, an’ that’s worth more’n evrythin’.”


* The title is a play on words which works primarily due to the dropped letter ‘h’ in Dwarfish dialect. It thus loses a layer of meaning in translation.


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