Category Archives: Big bad wolf

The Red Riding Mysteries

Enchanted Times 4.5: Stitched UpAs the latest monthly issue of Enchanted Times Mini (Stitched Up) wings its way to subscribers via the fleet-of-foot gingerbread from the Fast-As-You-Can Courier Company an additional (and dare we say complementary) publication has been released by the FAYC CoCo themselves.  Our news report provides the latest in a string of what have become colloquially known as The Red Riding Mysteries, in which a number of incidents has followed such a similar narrative it is surprising that officers of the law are still to apprehend and prosecute the protagonists: Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf.  However, it is also widely believed that there is in fact no single culprit to be caught, and both the Red Ridings and the Big Bads are groups which work individually but collectively, reporting back to much larger packs working in the same arena.

Little Red StampsThe FAYC CoCo has produced a souvenir FAYC stamp booklet, which features genuine lick & stick gummed FAYC stamps on both front and back cover, with individual images of both Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf.  The inner booklet sheds no light whatsoever on who is the true hero or heroine, villain or villainess of these Mysteries which have captured the imagination of a nation, but does provide a fascinating collection of Red Riding variants from across the Enchanted Realms.  Many of these stories are from word-of-mouth sources and as such not verified from any legal standpoint; nonetheless, they do offer an intriguing insight into how a real life Enchanted Realm mystery can quickly escalate to become the subject of media speculation and folktale alike.

The Enchanted Times contacted the Action Against Archetypes Alliance for their take on recent events, and engaged in a brief exclusive interview with their newest public ombudsman, a Mr. B. B. Wolf (it is currently unclear whether this particular Mr. Wolf has any direct connection with the Mysteries mentioned above):

ET:  Mr. Wolf, thank you for your time.  How do you feel about the FAYC CoCo’s public and widespread portrayal of you – or certainly of your brethren – as indiscriminately Big and Bad?
BBW:  I think you are making an assumption, and this is what I must stand against; this is why I have accepted position of SpokesWolf for the AAAA, so that such misconceptions can be laid to rest.  It is true that the Wolf pictured on the recent FAYC stamps is indeed Big and Bad.  He has been prosecuted as such in the past, and the legalities cannot be argued.  However, this is one specific Wolf, and he is not representative of all Wolf-kind.  I do not believe the FAYC CoCo have misrepresented wolves by naming one Wolf who has been proved so as Big and Bad; however, I do think it is irresponsible of a national newspaper to propagate the suggestion that all wolves should be measured against this one example.

ET:  Are you personally acquainted with the Big Bad Wolf pictured?
BBW:  I do not associate with criminals.  What are you implying?

ET:  Nothing!  Have you ever met a Wolf who was Big and Bad?
BBW:  I believe you are trying to lead this discussion in an unwelcome direction.  Let me elucidate instead on why I have accepted this role as SpokesWolf for my kind.  In my lifetime, I have met young whippersnappers that could barely reach to nip your ankles but would die in the trying, evil little blighters from nose to tail.  I have also met the biggest wolf you’re ever likely to meet – loves to be stroked and groomed and petted, and wouldn’t dream of snagging a tooth in flesh or drawing blood: his priorities are simply otherwise.  There are wolves afield and aforest of every type and every nature, and it is unreasonable to assume that a single one can represent the many.

ET:  Yet surely you as ‘spokeswolf’ for the AAAA are exactly that, one Wolf representing the many?
BBW: I merely ask that each Wolf be judged on his own merits (or lack thereof) rather than by his lupine appearance.  Is it any surprise that in the past some wolves have been known to dress in sheep’s clothing?  It is amazing the difference in reception there is from the general public when presented with a sheep as opposed to a wolf!  Of course, any cross-dressing wolf who is exposed will find himself crucified, like a lamb to the slaughter; so such practices really cannot be recommended…

ET:  As a representative for the AAAA, do you advocate the same non-prejudiced view of all creatures, or are you primarily concerned with the lupine?  What about the bad press afforded trolls, and witches, and evil stepmothers?
BBW:  I am a Wolf and therefore the subject of daily discrimination; I do not believe anybody should suffer in this way.  I have a genuine fondness for all, until they exhibit a genuine reason to earn my dislike.

ET:  And do you like little girls who wear red hoods?
BBW:  I do indeed like them!  But I’m watching my weight due to my new media responsibilities, and I couldn’t eat a whole one…

Our reporter believes this closing statement to have been intended as a ‘joke’; however, upon receiving a pre-publication advance notice of this interview, the AAAA did not appear to find Wolf’s words amusing.  The AAAA has now launched an internal enquiry and may well have the last laugh.  Have you heard the one about the boy who cried Wolf?

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May & June Subscriptions + Special Offer

For anyone who missed the re-launch of the ETPrintworks Store a couple of weeks ago, not only is the delayed May issue of Enchanted Times Mini now available (for a limited, extended period), but also the on-schedule June issue, Just So Stories, is in stock for the absolute latest old stories in new news.

To celebrate the re-launch, ETPrintworks is offering a No New News Notebook(/Newspaper/Diary) absolutely FREE when you spend £5 or more (excl. shipping).  This offer is for the month of June only, so don’t miss out!

ETM #1.5 v.i: Wolf at the Door

  • wolf at the door This issue brings you up to date with the latest court proceedings in the case of Mr. B. B. Wolf v. the Pygg Bros (Pygg the Elder, Pygg the Younger & Pygg-in-the-Middle):
  • Mr. Wolf stands accused of wilful property damage, forced entry, and attempted burglary. Mr. Wolf denies all charges, claiming he was too weak to have acted with any violent motive, barely having recuperated from recent (near-fatal) axe wounds to the stomach.
  • In other courtside news, we hear a Mr. T. Rolley’s accusations against the Billy Bros with regard to malicious and vindictive trip-trapping across the roof of Mr. Rolley’s Underbridge Lodge (his bridge being the only right of way to the pastures providing a prime location for the Billy Bros’ own Grass is Greener Guesthouse).
  • Small ads also featured from a number of Enchanted Times sponsors, including ‘Who’s Afraid? Worry Bag’ (TM) and of course Pygg Lets.

ETM #1.5 v.ii: Just So Stories

  • Just So StoriesThis issue uncovers the connection between the Sleeping Beauty & Goldilocks, and includes:
  • escalation of the dispute between Mr. T. Rolley, proprieter of the Underbridge Lodge, and the not-so-neighbourly Billy Bros.
  • why the Sleeping Beauty left her Prince Charming and why she has no sympathy for Rumpelstiltskin
  • how a narcoleptic Goldilocks ended up in the 3 bears’ house, and how demand for her services developed into a feud between forest-dwelling hoteliers
  • small ads from 2 of the featured hotels, The Grass is Greener Guesthouse, and the Better-Bear-None Boarding House

STOP PRESS The Month of May is Missing!

ETM 1.5 cover previewApologies to all Enchanted Times readers & subscribers.  Due to unavoidable circumstances, the ETPrintworks press will not be rolling again for at least another couple of weeks.

Despatch to subscribers of Enchanted Times Mini will be prioritised as soon as the delayed May issue becomes available; but in the interim, a PDF preview copy will be emailed to each subscriber on May 1st, in anticipation of the postponed print edition.

Further apologies for the continued unavailability of all items from the ETPrintworks store.  The shop will re-open as soon as circumstances allow.  Please do sign up for notification of the shop’s return, or watch this space…


New mini issue – out now!

The latest old news to hit the fan is now available from an ETPrintworks store near you!  Enchanted Times Mini, #0.5 vol.ii includes:

  • up-to-the-minute news of trial proceedings in the case of Mr. B. B. Wolf v. the Pygg brothers (proprieters of popular property rental outfit, Pygg Lets), in which Mr. Wolf stands accused of wilful property damage, forced entry, and attempted burglary. Mr. Wolf denies all charges, claiming he was too weak to have acted with any violent motive, barely having recuperated from recent (near-fatal) axe wounds to the stomach.
  • In other courtside news, we hear a Mr. T. Rolley’s accusations against the Billy Bros with regard to malicious and vindictive trip-trapping across the roof of Mr. Rolley’s Underbridge Lodge (his bridge being the only right of way to the pastures providing a prime location for the Billy Bros’ own Grass is Greener Guesthouse).
  • Small ads also featured from a number of Enchanted Times sponsors, including ‘Who’s Afraid? Worry Bag’ (TM) and of course Pygg Lets.

See listing for further details.


New ETMini back issues

 

Be behind the Times, not behind the times!  ETPrintworks has recently released 4 new back issues of Enchanted Times Mini, to keep you up to speed with all the latest, oldest stories.  Now available:

  • ETM #0.1 – Reverse, Revise Recycle: 
    an introduction to the everyday philosophies of the Enchanted Realms, and an overview of how our times have changed/are ever-changing.  This issue features 2 original illustrations of the less common Lemur interpretations of Little Red Riding Hood and Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. We also report on an ongoing trial regarding Mr. B. B. Wolf and the Pygg brothers, proprieters of property rental outfit, Pygg Lets. The AAAA (Action Against Archetypes Alliance) anxiously awaits the outcome.
  • ETM #2.5 vol. i – The rat in the hat came back:  
    we discover what happened when the Pied Piper made the mistake of returning to the scene of his most infamous crime, and the townsfolk finally exacted their revenge. This issue is sponsored by Pied Piper Pipes (Providing Pipes for the Professional Piper in Pursuit of Piping Perfection).  We also feature an exclusive ‘evil rat’ illustration by Linda Bowman, and an equally exclusive ‘evil rat’ embroidery pattern for cross stitch and/or blackwork.
  • ETM #5.5 vol. i – None so blind: 
    introduces the King’s plan for a healthier future, beginning with provision of free salad plants for all households, and includes a redeemable coupon for you to claim your own FREE packet of Rapunzel seeds!  This issue also features the press release issued by Queen Rapunzel herself, recounting the events which led up to the Great Salad Plan; plus small ads from our sponsors, plus an update on the latest Witch Report, in which the Bad Fairy responsible for the Big Sleep is finally apprehended and brought to trial. Further news on this in our next issue.
  • ETM #5.5 vol. ii – The big sleep: 
    reports on activities within the Royal household – which have long lain dormant – following the awakening of the young Princess Aurora. Why has she been forbidden from conducting interviews with reporters directly? Who is her unusually short Prince, and why does he have such an affinity for the accursed spinning wheel, such a fondness for gold, and such keenness with regard to the production of Royal babies…? We address these questions and more!  In other news, the newly crowned Princess Cinderella steps forward as ambassador for StABS (Stop Abuse of Beautiful Stepdaughters) Foundation; and we bring you small ads from our sponsors, including a new spin on the old classic, Who’s Afraid? Worry Bag, now complete with Royal endorsement!

A 3 for 2 offer is also available on most back issues of Enchanted Times Mini – choose this option for the best deal on both cover price & postage!


Available now: Enchanted Times #3

Enchanted Times #3 is now available in the Etsy store!  Highlights of this issue include

  • Always pay the piper – the Pied Piper of Hamelin’s ‘confession’
  • Fast-As-You-Can Weight Loss Plan gingerbread recipe & advertisement feature
  • An open letter from the Magical Objects Restoration Society, forwarded by Onyx Mail Services
  • Hansel & Gretel in cross stitch (pattern adapted from illustration by Charles Robinson)
  • Just Desserts – the story of the Gingerbread Man and Hansel & Gretel intertwined
  • He said, she said – witness statements from those involved in the recent Red Riding Hood scandal, sourced by guest reporter Penelope Harris
  • ‘The millet reached the sky’ – a counted thread embroidery pattern adapted from a Jugoslav fairy tale illustration
  • The Mirror book review supplement: a reflection of contemporary literature in the fairy tale genre


As previously revealed, Enchanted Times is also pleased to offer an exclusive promotional pack of magic beans from BeansTalk, one of this issue’s proud sponsors – one pack free with every issue, while stocks last!  Each pack includes a voucher for the Rumpelstiltskin Registry of Re-Identification following research which has indicated best results for bean-growers going by the name of ‘Jack’.


COMING SOON! Enchanted Times #2

Catch up on the latest news stories from the enchanted realms – look out for Enchanted Times #2 arriving at an Etsy Store near you in the very near future!  What awaits you?  Here are some of the highlights:

  • FREE GIFT:  nettle yarn sample
  • FREE GIFT: promotional postcards
  • Cover story: the big bad wolf and YOU
  • Cover-story: judging a book by its cover (how fairy tale archetypes are not as recognisable as in times gone by)
  • Feature story: The Ugliest Duckling
  • Exclusive interview: Cinderella Sweeping, Cinderella’s Weeping
  • Piecework: Splinter – the first part of an ongoing serial, also available online
  • Letters to the Editor
  • Small ads
  • Reviews: The Mirror – a brand new ET supplement, reflecting contemporary fairy tale literature